Making Amends

A Bristol shopkeeper has received an unusual letter of apology.

Imran Ahmed, 27, who runs Raja Foods in the Easton area of the city awoke one morning to find the remorseful letter on his doormat.

The letter reads as follows:

"Dear Sirs, I am writing this letter to make amends to you for something I have done in the past.

"About seven years ago I was walking past your shop late one night when I noticed that someone had broken into it.

"I used this opportunity to enter your shop where I stole 400 cigarettes. The money enclosed (£100) is to pay for those cigarettes which I stole from you.

"At that time I was heavily using drugs and my life was in a mess, now I no longer use drugs and I strive to lead a decent and honest life.

"As part of my ongoing recovery I try to put right all of the wrongs I have done in the past, at least where I can, and this is why I am giving you back the money which I stole from you.

"I regret the harm I caused you in the past and I sincerely apologise to you for it.

"I was very wrong to do this and I hope that returning the money will make up for this harm, at least in some small way."

Touching. Let's hope the reformed crook is well on the road to recovery and better fortunes.

Toilet Humour

A man needed hospital treatment after finding himself in a sticky situation while using a public toilet.

The unnamed 35-year-old visited the toilet in Brierley Hill in the West Midlands. Unfortunately he got more than he bargained for when he sat down and found his posterior firmly glued to the seat.

Firefighters were unable to free the man from the toilet seat, so the entire assembly was taken to hospital for chemical removal.

An ambulance service spokesman said: "He appeared to be none the worse for his ordeal other than being understandably somewhat embarrassed."

Very witty.

Trick or Treat?

I wrote so eloquently last year about my hatred of Halloween that I'll not reiterate the point here and now.

I notice this year an increasing number of parents accompanying their urchins, as they trawl the streets like vermin looking for easy pickings. Maybe the parental presence isn't all that surprising, considering we still have a rapist in our midst around these parts? Maybe it's just reinforcing the moral corruption of society, that parents consider it acceptable for their children to beg at strangers' doors?

Bah humbug.

Jonathan Ross Spared by the BBC

Jonathan Ross remains the BBC's highest earning star, despite the furore surrounding lewd messages left on Andrew Sachs' answerphone.

The fate of the BBC's £6 million star was decided in a crunch meeting by members of the BBC Trust - the organisation tasked with ensuring licence fee payers get value for money.

Ross was a guest on Russell Brand's Radio 2 show, which was broadcast on 18th October. The pre-recorded show included a segment where Brand 'interviewed' Mr Sachs by leaving messages on the veteran Fawlty Towers actor's answerphone.

During one message Ross blurted out that Brand had "f**ked your granddaughter" - a reference to a former relationship between Brand and Mr Sachs' granddaughter Georgina Baillie. The pair then boasted further about the conquest, before suggesting that Mr Sachs would probably hang himself at the news.

The 18th October broadcast attracted only a handful of complaints at the time, but the situation gathered momentum in response to a Mail on Sunday article published a week later. Since then several high profile politicians and national newspapers have waded into the row, with the overwhelming majority condemning Brand and Ross's juvenile antics.

The media feeding frenzy forced BBC Director General Mark Thompson to suspend Brand and Ross from the airwaves for what he described as a "gross lapse of taste". The BBC's late intervention has attracted further criticism of the Corporation's lack of accountability and management.

At the latest count there have been more than 35,000 complaints about the Russell Brand show.

Ross's future at the Corporation had been in doubt after his involvement in the stunt. He has been suspended for 12 weeks by BBC bosses.

Elsewhere at the BBC Lesley Douglas, Controller of Radio 2, has resigned from the Corporation. The feeling is very much that Ms Douglas, who probably had no input whatsoever into the offending broadcast, has fallen on her sword to save the BBC further embarrassment.